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How to Help Kids With Your Second
Marriage
A second marriage can be an exciting time, a period of lots of
change and new roles and responsibilities. When kids are
involved, it’s important for couples to take the time to learn
about their needs and how the changes may be affecting them.
Kids will slowly adjust to the changes, but they sometimes need
assurance and encouragement to understand what is going on.
Especially if the kids are young, they may have difficulty
accepting what is going on with their new family.
If there was significant discord in the first marriage, it
might be difficult for kids to adjust successfully with the
changes. A second marriage may feel confusing, and if there are
new siblings to become acquainted with, this can be especially
difficult. Paying attention to every kids’ needs and concerns
is important, and it may help to work with a counselor to sort
through difficult issues.
If the second marriage involves new parenting roles, time and
patience will be required so that the kids can be comfortable
being themselves. Conflicts from the first marriage may be too
close to their memory, or they may not get along with other new
family members. It’s essential that conflicts are resolved
easily and effectively. Talking things out, holding family
meetings, resolving each issue as it arises, and just listening
can all help.
Sometimes kids view a second marriage as shameful, and might
withdraw or overreact to situations without any direct cause.
If they are still in touch with the parent from the first
marriage, it’s important to make sure they are developing a
healthy relationship and growing positively with either parents
or families. It can be hard to share views and perspectives if
the first marriage parents are still not on good terms. Again,
listening, positive encouragement and strong lines of
communication are essential for healthy growth.
If kids are having difficulties with social relationships,
schoolwork, after-school activities, or anything seems out of
balance, it’s important for both parents to understand the
changes taking place. Working with guidance counselors may help
if the kids are having difficulty relating to people. If they
are not comfortable around adults, this can be a cause for
concern. Sibling rivalry can also cause daily disruptions, and
all arguments and matters need to be resolved maturely and
sensibly. Making sure the kids have a healthy home environment
to grow and play in is vital. They need to feel secure when
everything else around them feels so new and different.
Second marriages can and do succeed, despite any setbacks the
previous marriage or marriages may have encountered. When kids
are involved, there are many positive ways to help them and let
them grow. Kids can learn new skills, find out better ways of
communicating with all parents involved, and develop strong
bonds and ties. It’s important that they feel safe and secure
so that they can make strong decisions throughout the process.
A second marriage can bring a lot of positive things, and help
everyone lead a happy, healthy, and productive life with the
right perspective.
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