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Easing The Pain Of Divorce For Your Children

Francis can still recall the heartache she felt watching her four year old son Adam rip apart his peanut butter sandwich before bursting into tears and running into his room. Francis was in the middle of a mildly unpleasant divorce, but did not believe (until that day) that her son had been affected.

Regardless of how ugly or amicable the divorce, any children involved are going to be touched by it. Many couples attempt to “hang in there” and work on the problems in order to spare their sons and daughters the pain of a broken family.  But sometimes there are not enough band-aids and rolls of duct tape in the world to mend the tears.  Parents are wise to prepare their children for a divorce with family discussions, and possibly even a group therapy visit(s).

Hugs Are Not Just For Teddy Bears

It is hopeful that certain divorce details involving children can be worked out with the need for judicial intervention.  Many parents agree to shared custody arrangements, with either the mother or father being the custodial parent; this is with whom children live with on a daily basis.  Travel and distance can be a wrench in the wheel, and may require the court to step in and give some direction to the proceedings.

What does divorce do to children? Is therapy always needed?  Is the damage permanent?  Children are incredibly resilient, not only with bumps and scrapes but also with emotional wounds as well.  They tend to heal faster than adults in all areas.  Therapy, if possible, may be a very beneficial experience. Kids sometimes find talking to a counselor easier than a parent or relative.  They may not feel pressured to “protect” their loved ones by holding back thoughts and revelations.

If a private counselor or therapist is not an option, consider contacting your child’s school and ask to speak to the on staff counselor.  They are employed for just these types of situations, and will have more access and opportunity to talk to your child or children about the divorce during school hours. This does not have to be an overwhelmingly traumatic experience.  It is possible to still make some decent lemonade.

Is there anything you can do at home to help your children handle the divorce and all the changes that will follow?  Do no underestimate the power and reassurance of a hug.  Whether they respond or not, your children will want that extra affection during this time.  They need to know that despite everything else that is being turned about, your love for them is steadfast.